Using I Statements to Help You Set Firm Boundaries 

Setting boundaries, as you know, can be hard for many of us due to the societal conditioning we’ve received throughout our lives. It can seem selfish to put our own needs above those of the people around us. You may struggle with emotions such as self-doubt and guilt as you learn to set limitations on your time, energy and effort. This is quite normal; yet it can be overcome. There’s another technique that can help to cushion the limits you place upon other people. This strategy is known as “I statements.” In today’s post, I’ll tell you more about I statements, the benefits they offer, and ways to use them in your everyday life. Take a look.

 About I Statements

The term “I statement” comes from the fact that the word “I” is used when making them. These statements are short and concise sentences that center the action on yourself. Hence, you’ll use the word “I” in order to share with others how you feel, what you need, or what’s important to you. Centering your statement on yourself helps to take any sense of blame or negativity from the other person so that they won’t feel defensive. When you use an I statement, the person you’re addressing won’t perceive that they are being attacked.

 Benefits of I Statements

 There are benefits to using I statements when setting boundaries. As noted, it can relieve the other person of any sense of guilt, blame, or burden. They won’t be defensive. Therefore, they will be more apt to listen to your needs and more open to accepting the limits you set. Using these statements gives you some control, while easing such negative emotions as self-doubt and guilt. You won’t need to feel these things when you use I statements to avoid placing blame. Boundaries will be more readily heard when you soften the blow in this manner.

 How to Use Them

Using I statements is simple. When setting a boundary, you place the emphasis on yourself rather than on someone else. For example, you could say, “I feel overextended when I take on too many tasks; therefore, I will need to decline your offer to serve on the committee.” This shows the person making the request that you would be interested in helping them if you didn’t have so much on your plate already. You’re showing vulnerability when sharing the way that you feel. This is preferable to saying, “I’m just too busy to volunteer for your committee,” or, “I don’t want to help you right now.” I statements should be used to show the other person your human side and to ease potential defensiveness on their part.

 Using I statements takes practice, but it’s a skill that can help your interpersonal relationships in a number of ways. Using them when setting boundaries is a strategy that will make the process much easier, particularly when you’re just starting out.

One of the most frequent concerns I’ve heard from clients is that they worry that others might see them as being selfish. Practicing self-care is not selfish; matter of fact, it is essential to living your life. The philosophy I teach is based on the Indian Proverb A House With Four Rooms which states we should each think of ourselves as a house with a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual room and it is essential we go into each one of these “rooms” daily to be a complete person. My latest book based on this philosophy is available now on Amazon Get Your COPY Here!

Until next time...

Lisa

P.S. When you get your copy of the book  A House With Four Rooms: Physical, Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual Wellbeing and make sure to look for the link to download the free companion workbook!