How to Set Boundaries When You Don’t Get Along with Family 

 They say family is forever, and society tends to place these individuals above all others; however, you need not ignore your own needs in favor of anyone else’s...including family. I learned early on that living in a dysfunctional family that setting boundaries with family members is important for your emotional well-being. It may require a different strategy than other types of boundary setting, but it can be done. Your family isn’t entitled to your emotions, time, or effort any more than anyone else is. The following tips for setting boundaries with your family will help you learn to preserve your own interests and safety without guilt.

 Consider Your Strategy

 You may know your family members better than others in your life. This knowledge actually gives you an advantage in setting boundaries with them. Consider which type of approach might work best with individual family members. For example, killing your cousin with kindness might be the least stressful way to get your point across and achieve the results you desire, while your pushy mother might require a more direct approach. Being strategic with family members can save you time, energy, and frustration.

 Cushion the Blow

 An approach that can be quite effective with family members and others you’re close to is the use of “I” statements. This technique involves putting the focus on yourself, rather than on the other person in order to cushion the blow. For example, you could tell your mom, “I feel hurt when you don’t acknowledge my efforts.” instead of saying, “You never notice when I do things.” This approach can lessen defense mechanisms and allow for a better understanding to occur. 

 Take Time to Process

 Setting boundaries with family members can seem more difficult. That’s okay. Doing it successfully will take time and practice. Things can seem more emotionally charged with members of your family, so keep in mind that it’s perfectly fine to take time to process things before acting. You don’t need to set a boundary immediately. Taking time to think it over will help you to choose the most strategic approach and can give you the space you need to deal with your emotions before proceeding. It's important for you to pause and choose how you want to proceed...be intentional.

 Remember Your Needs

 Choosing a particular strategy can make boundary setting easier with family members, but it’s crucial to remember your own needs, too. You’re allowed to be assertive and to say no without any other explanation. Just because someone is related does not give them added entitlement to your resources. You don’t owe family anything more than you would give others in your life.

 Setting and sticking to boundaries with your family members is really hard, but it needs to be done in order to maintain your own emotional health. It's important to remember that you teach people how to treat you, so it's important to set your personal boundaries and stick to them. Give these tips a try, and don’t get discouraged. The process will take time and practice.

Until next time...

Lisa

P.S. It’s important to practice self-care, connect with a trusted accountability partner, and develop coping tools that give you the resilience that heals, provides confidence, and direction. You want to live your Intentional Life with the personal and professional boundaries that allow you to be authentic to yourself.

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