Blending Families: Helping Kids Cope with a New Life

 Divorce is one of the hardest changes a family can face. Coming up a close second, is blending a new family. Sure, it may be a time for renewal and love, but it’s important to keep things real… blending families is hard work! Helping kids cope with a new life takes more than good intentions and loving parents.

 There are estimates that state the divorce rate is nearly 50% for first time marriages, and that statistic rises higher for subsequent marriages. Blended families are tougher to navigate because there are more factors in play than first time marriages.

 Helping kids cope with a blended family begins before the wedding. Parents need to consider a few things before deciding to take things into one household.

Consider this:

 How well do the children get along with each other and each parent/potential step-parent? A lot of families ignore warning signs that indicate kids aren’t a good match with one another. They also minimize or ignore tensions between potential step-parents and kids. Getting caught up in the fairy tale believing things will magically even out is foolish. Pay attention to the warning signs and be prepared to postpone plans to blend families until everyone can participate in therapy or sort the dynamics out.

If your family has blended and you are facing growing pains, here are some tips for helping kids cope with a new life:

 Tip #1: Admit it’s hard- One of the best things a blended family can do is admit that it’s not easy. Admit it out loud to one another and validate feelings when a child or parent is feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes the validation is all someone needs to feel better about the situation.

 Tip #2: Hold family meetings- Hold family meetings that address issues in a healthy way. Encourage participation and allow age-appropriate influence from the kids. Blended families that make decisions together tend to be more cohesive and less resistant to rules. Communication is key.

 Tip #3: Respect individuality- Blended families have different DNA and come from a different familial culture. It’s important to respect the individuality and not use a cookie-cutter approach to parenting, making decisions, or raising the kids. Care must be taken to consider all the factors unique to the blended family because it is different than a traditional nuclear family. 

 Tip #4: Keep the right focus- Blended families can be torn apart easier than first-time married couples. Often the parents are pulled apart by loyalty issues to their children or other factors that aren’t typical in a first marriage. Be careful to keep the right focus on one another. Kids grow up and move on - making their needs more important than the primary needs of the parents can cause disaster. Kids’ needs are important, but the focus and care should be on managing the bond between husband and wife.

 Blending families is a change that can be amazing as well as challenging. There are many opportunities for problems. Being on guard and on the lookout for potential hazards can prevent them from becoming too big of an issue. 

It's important that you model the behaviors you want your children to learn. Teach them the importance of open and honest communication and allow them to come to you and share their feelings. Blended families can work and provide a new "norm" for all involved.

Until next time...

Cheers!

Lisa