Today I’m addressing the Emotional Room. As for my Emotional Room, I think, like many people, I’ve tried to avoid it on most occasions to avoid disappointments, hard feelings, and general sadness and melancholy. I believe most of us try to deal and cope to the best of our abilities, while others have a more difficult time and seem to get “locked” out of this room without the strength of going in to open a window to “air” it out. I’ve learned if I focus on the moments, and I go in to “air” out the Emotional Room, my life seems easier. I have taught myself some coping strategies that work for me: journaling helps sift through thoughts and reminds me of my blessings, remembering “what other people think of me is none of my business”  lets me be me, and knowing that I cannot control others but I can choose how I respond helps me make decisions.

Sometimes it is difficult to deny the personal hardships and forget the blessings, so keeping a journal helps me put feelings and events in perspective. I have kept journals off and on for most of my life. I have  daily journals, travel journals, and gratitude journals. I find it remarkable that something extraordinary will happen and I tell myself, “I’ll never forget this,” only to find myself reminded by of the event only when I go back and read it in a journal. Many of my daily journals document both hard times and happy times, but the difficult times seem to dominate. I find myself journaling in order to relieve stress and help me sort things out. When things are going well, I seem to fall out of the habit of writing as consistently in the daily journals.

My travel journals are fantastic for remembering some of the details of wondrous trips I’ve been fortunate to take. Europe is my favorite destination, with England, Italy, and Spain at the top of my favorites list.  Each time I visit a place, I learn new things and build new memories by remaining open to the opportunities that enrich my life.

Gratitude journals help keep life authentic; I’ve kept a gratitude journal for years and have given lessons on keeping a gratitude journal. To keep things simple, I suggest writing down five things every single day that you are grateful for. This practice is particularly good for times that one just wants to crawl into bed and pull the covers up. Besides, if you make a commitment to writing five things down each day, you must get up out of bed to face the day and find those things. Sometimes, I admit, I’ve had days that I have looked back on previous blessings to help come up with my five, but most often, I have more than five and the number of blessings can carry on for pages.

The advice that “what other people think of you is none of your business” has been valuable to me throughout my life.  As a child, I learned that I could not let someone else’s opinion and words dictate my life. When I was told I wasn’t good enough or wouldn’t amount to anything, I stood steadfast and was determined to prove the naysayers wrong. It can be difficult when these thoughts and words are supplied by people within your circle of authority, the same people you are meant to trust and whose opinions you want to value. Well, after many years of teaching and hearing similar stories to my own, I’ve learned that it is important to be realistic and determine whose opinions you value. Brene’ Brown suggests writing the names of all the people that love and support you unconditionally, imperfections and all, on a 1x1 inch piece of paper. When you are confronted by a review or judgement that seems hurtful or misguided, take a look at that paper and see if the source is listed. If not, move forward and away from the nonsense. Feedback is a necessary tool for growth when given and used appropriately, but one must live with intention and make decisions with and be guided by all facts and many naysayers don’t have all the facts or they only have their interpretation of the facts, so their opinions are careless and limited.

I learned early on that the business of my life is my business, so it is important to be my own CEO and to know that my true power is knowing that I choose how I respond to outside triggers. Triggers are events, situations, and people that you do not have control over; remember, the only thing that is in your control is how you choose to respond in every moment. We are not marionette masters that control others. There have been many times that emotions well up so quickly that I haven’t had a chance to “think” about how I want to respond; the danger of this for me, is that the emotions can sometimes create a knee jerk reaction and my decision making process becomes foggy. Getting a handle on the authenticity and power of my own emotions and melding them with appropriate thoughts, attitudes, and boundaries helps me keep things in perspective. It also allows me to protect myself, especially when I feel vulnerable to outside triggers. I’ve also learned that I must be honest with myself and acknowledge how I feel about the triggers. I’m learning that those I let into my circle, those who I choose to share my thoughts and feelings, particularly when I feel the most vulnerable, are the ones whose opinions matter, not the other critics. Our lives (the good, bad, and ugly) should not be fodder for gossip for others, particularly those within our inner circle; instead, our lives should be joyous celebrations, learned lessons that we share, and grateful blessings we cherish.

The Emotional Room has always been a difficult room for me; it is a rollercoaster of emotional highs and lows, but I’ve learned it is important to recognize and acknowledge all of my feelings for the ability to move on. It’s not a time to rehash the trigger or beat myself up. It’s a time for learning and understanding, a time of forgiveness, and once on solid ground, a time to “make your mess your message” to help others to know there is a way to cope and deal with messes. For myself, I’m on a quest for peace and happiness, and I’ll decorate my Emotional Room by choosing many of the events and situations I expose myself to; I can choose to walk away from gossip; I can choose how I speak to and about people; I can choose my own happiness. To accomplish this I will participate in “airing” out my rooms by spending a bit of time in each one, each day, in my own way. It is in this way that I take what I have learned from all experiences and continue on my journey.

So, what are you feeling today?

In what ways do you “air” out your Emotional Room?

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Cheers,

Lisa