Identifying The Causes Of Your Unhappiness

I learned of the Indian Proverb, A House With Four Rooms, while reading a book by Rumor Godden. It struck me that even though I thought of myself as being pretty happy at the time I discovered it, I wasn't spending enough time in each of my four rooms (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual rooms), and I needed to make some changes, including healing the pain of my childhood.

We tend to develop certain habits in life due to many factors like experiences (good or bad), interactions with others, lifestyle etc.
Well, these habits can really affect us to the point where we develop genuine unhappiness. Now, you might be thinking that not all negative habits result in unhappiness. However, I am talking long-term unhappiness which absolutely results from bad thinking habits.

We tend to let negative experiences affect us and we hold onto our feelings and cannot seem to let them go. As we continue to relive the memory, we continue to feel the emotions; we get shackled.

Well, this needs to be changed so you can be happy again, but first, you must identify the causes of your unhappiness…

How Can You Identify the Causes of Your Unhappiness?

It can be difficult to effectively identify the behaviors which negatively affect you; however, it can be done and it’s very necessary for your wellbeing. Be compassionate with yourself. 

So, here are some ways you can do this:

• Honestly answer the question of “where do you want to be in life right now”? How about this time next year?
• Are you doing what it takes to change your situation?
• Write down your short-term goals and pursue them immediately.
• Understand that everything requires a process, which starts with a decision by you. You do not have to do this process alone;  I created A Pilgrimage to Self to help others with this journey.

You obviously want to be in a different situation which is why you are unhappy. Maybe you’ve even told yourself that you’ve tried everything… but if you have told yourself this, you haven't completed the process...because there is an answer, you just have more work to do; you have to practice mindfulness and be self-aware of your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

You have the answer, you just need to ask yourself if you’re really giving life your everything, and for most people the answer is NO!
Many people are in denial when it comes to what they could be doing. It’s a defeatist mentality. This is why a majority of people fail at finding happiness. They are looking outside themselves and at others...they give their power away.

With the new year approaching, you should set goals and set out to achieve them because giving up should never be an option. You deserve to celebrate YOU!

What is the most important thing to know about seeking happiness?

The most important thing to know is that you are in complete control of your happiness. People come and go, and they may contribute something meaningful to your life which will contribute to your happiness. However, you are responsible for your own happiness. Abe Lincoln once said that most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be. 

It’s important to find good people to surround yourself with. Mary Kay Ash once suggested taking a look at the five people you spend the most time with to get a clue about your own morals and values. It makes a big difference and ultimately you’ll desire to have a lot in common with certain people. So choose carefully.

Past experiences will cause the worst of unhappiness but too many people don’t correct this when they have the chance. Instead it lingers on and creates problems in your life and the life of everyone around you.

This is why therapy and other methods of mindfulness are so popular these days. The issue of depression, anxiety, etc. is seen far too often and something major must be done especially since society gets even more complicated and more unsatisfactory for us as time goes on.

The answer is always within us and people often forget this as the focus has shifted recently to an external solution (not the case). Much of your experience boils down to the people, places and things that you allow into your life.

Leave Your Feelings of Unhappiness Behind

Happiness is a choice and don’t let anyone tell you any different. The decisions you make everyday will greatly contribute to your happiness. You have to first understand what you want out of life and where you desire to ultimately be. The process is about taking one step at a time.

Have you tried hard and long enough to make your life happier? If not, then you know change starts with you. You can do it!

Make short-term goals and as you progress, you will gain the confidence to do more. Set realistic goals but don’t sell yourself short. We must make a choice to dig up the root causes of our unhappiness so we can achieve our dreams and goals. YOU are worth it!

This series of blog posts have been Stepping Stones from my Life Coaching membership, A Pilgrimage to Self. As the year comes to a close, I'm busy gearing up to open the cart on the membership (It only opens a few times a year, and it is opening TOMORROW!) with the 2019 New Year, New YOU program with A Pilgrimage to Self.

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A Pilgrimage to Self includes the PATHS to Discover, Design, and Develop an Intentional Life.