How to Change the Dynamic in Your Relationship With Small Changes

If you're starting a new relationship, then something very important to keep in mind is that the dynamic and the habits you form right now will be the ones that will be expected in the future.  We teach people how to treat us and what our boundaries are for our relationships.

If you meet your partner at work in the mornings to deliver coffee,  you might come to be expected to do it always. 

With no malice involved, people are unfortunately creatures of habit and we quickly form patterns that are difficult for us to get out of. This applies equally to relationships and if you have already fallen into 'roles' then you'll find it's very hard to get out of them. What do you do? You use Kaizen.

How to Change Your Role in the Relationship

Kaizen is basically the process of making small and regularly changes in order to have a large net effect. So say you were tired of being the one to always make dinner and perhaps you feel as though you do more work than your partner, if you were to try and suddenly change this balance overnight by refusing to make dinner and shouting about it, it would come out of nowhere and you would find your partner would be upset, offended and resistant to the change.

Instead then, you should try and take a more gradual approach and subtly alter your roles.

This might mean that one night you ask for help in the kitchen. Ask your partner to do the washing up for instance while you cook or ask them to help you stir while you prepare other food. You can even just ask for their company which means you'll have successful gotten them into the kitchen which is very much the first step.

From there, you can then gradually do this more and more often. Then one night you could perhaps say you're feeling tired and ask them to make the dinner instead. Over time you'll find it's easier to do this more and more and they'll be less resistant to the idea of cooking. Eventually you'll find that it naturally falls into a new pattern in which case you'll find they apologize on nights when they don't cook on their turn.

This is a great strategy to teach children how to clean up their toys, the habits of self-care, and the routines of bedtime. You can practice kaizen in all relationships.

Note that this technique can be even more effective when you're changing you're environment. If you're moving home, that's an excellent time to introduce new habits but still use that kaizen approach!

Until next time...

Cheers!

Lisa