Help! My Spouse and I Don’t Agree About Finances

 Premarital counseling and talking about your finances can prevent a lot of problems. The theory is that talking about big issues before getting married can reduce the friction caused by different beliefs and behaviors. Discussing topics like child rearing, managing conflict, and managing money are important prior to getting married. I believe doing so can reduce the statistics on the divorce rate. Waiting to sort out the differences after the honeymoon can be hard, but not impossible.

 If you’ve long since left the altar and now face the brutal truths that you and your spouse don’t agree on finances, it’s important to get a handle on things before they affect your relationship. Money is one of the primary reasons that men and women end up divorced or, at the very least, in relationships that feel strained and uncomfortable.

 What should you do if you and your spouse don’t agree on money?

Do:

• Consider counseling
• Create a non-hostile way to problem solve
• Have grace for missteps along the way

 Most often, men and women who disagree about money are coming from childhoods where money was handled very differently. Likewise, if the money IQ of your spouse is different than yours, he or she may need some education. The key to surviving money issues with your spouse is not as much about the money as it is about respecting one another and being open to solving the problems.

Don’t:

• Hide purchases or debt
• Blame or yell - especially in front of children
• Condemn someone’s style if it isn’t like yours

If you are a saver and your spouse is a spender, it is easy to shake a finger and “should” all over them. A spender feels a saver is too strict, and a saver feels a spender is too freewheeling. Neither is necessarily right or wrong, but blame can cast division where unity is key. The answer to different spending habits is compromise and clear communication - not forcing someone into your way of thinking. Remember to keep the marriage front and center and the fiscal component of the marriage an aspect, not the focus. If you need neutral help, a counselor can help you overcome this roadblock and move on with a rock-solid marriage.

 You and your spouse may not agree on money, but you can find common ground. Learning to communicate and solve problems together is the key. Finding solutions for communicating about money also improves communication about other aspects of life and marriage. This makes everything a win-win!

I have a six-week online course available on the website, Keys to Effective Communication. The lessons will benefit you in all relationships from personal to business. Here's a link: 

https://www.ahousewithfourrooms.com/store/ohy5QYH2

I encourage you to check it out! Communication is the basic foundation to building compatible relationships and living an Intentional Life.

Until next time, 

Cheers!

Lisa