The Dependency Habit

It seems like we all have some dependency habits...some are healthy, some not so healthy, and some dependency habits are just those behaviors that we've adopted and don't even give much thought to.

Over time, our dependency habits can change. For example, thankfully, many people have given up smoking, including me. I exchanged one habit for another; in 1991, I gave up smoking and took up quilting (to keep my hands busy).

I started collecting fabrics and sewing paraphernalia. This habit is still in great force as I continue to quilt and sew some of my own clothes. Some habits can be very expensive.

Some of us enjoy having the newest and greatest of the latest things, whether that is a new cell phone, computer, or car. Some dependency habits that have negative effects can be an addiction to shopping. Many shopaholics live beyond their means. Many in our society live with a dependency on credit cards, so interest payments ecru and people live in debt. 

There is a great minimalist movement happening right now in the world, and I'm gaining more and more interest in it. I like the notion of living debt free. There are so many dependency habits that one could reevaluate: cable, telephone, dry cleaning, eating out,etc..

I have a friend, Lori, that has a healthy dependency habit that is essential to her overall wellbeing...she doesn't enjoy television and prefers quiet contemplation. She gets much joy taking a walk in nature or sitting quietly with a cup of tea on her back deck.

What kinds of dependency habits do you have? 

For myself, I don't like having to depend on others. It can be difficult for me to ask for help, even when I couldn't drive due to my broken ankle. I wanted to be more independent than the wheelchair and the broken ankle allowed. I wasn't as self-reliant as I wanted to be.

Maybe you’ve recently become aware that you might not be as self-reliant as you’d like. If you have, you’re probably wondering how you became less reliant on your own knowledge and skills and more reliant on the knowledge and skills of others. We live in a technological society, so we tend to use search engines like Google YouTube to figure things out.

We've allowed ourselves to become more dependent upon others, as well as the things produced by others. It’s that simple. We’ve developed the dependency habit. We've developed the habit of unnecessary clutter in our physical space and minds.

Like many habits, the dependency habit can have a negative effect on you, your outlook, and your lifestyle. It makes you passive. It makes you more likely to conform to behaviors that you don’t truly believe in. It stunts your ability to be self-sufficient, and it can prevent you from becoming who you were truly meant to be. Luckily, like all habits, it can be broken and replaced by behaviors that are more personally beneficial.

The dependency habit starts because our society is designed to make all of us consumers of things and services that are not essential. We consume these non-essential things because we are told that they are, in fact, essential. We are told they will solve a problem. We are told they will make our lives easier and more comfortable. We are told that successful and beautiful people would not consider living without these things. In short, we are lied to from birth. We are indoctrinated to be unthinking consumers of products that actually will do nothing to make us more beautiful or successful. They will not make are lives easier or more comfortable. All they will do is tie us down under a mountain of debt and obligation that we feel we are unable to walk away from. Why? Because if we don’t service the debt on these unnecessary products, we won’t be able to purchase more unnecessary products in the future. So, what’s the answer?

Let's break the consumerist cycle by breaking the dependency habit. Strip back the possessions in your life. As Marie Kondo suggests when  "tiding up", ask yourself if the item "brings you joy."  If not, get rid of it; we should only keep what sparks joy.

Is it time to simplify your life? To do more with less. To think outside the box.  To think minimally. To learn new skills that will increase your self-sufficiency, while at the same time, reducing your dependence on others and what they produce. It can be done.

You weren’t born to simply consume. You were born to live, self-reliant, self-sufficient, and proud of who you are. So, what can we do?

I'm going to participate in a decluttering exercise for Lent this year starting on Wednesday, March 6 until Wednesday, April 17.  My plan is to add one item per day to a garbage bag or donation box. With this exercise, I will be able to get rid of at least 40 items. I'm hoping to take it a bit further and "tidy up" and only keep the items that spark joy for me.

Will you join me? Let me know if you plan to participate; I hope we can cheer one another on. The idea is to "air" out our physical spaces. I'm going to start with one closet and move on to the next, so it will not feel so overwhelming.

I'm also going on a "spending freeze." This is a dedicated time to not spending any unnecessary money...no Starbucks...no new shoes...no eating out. This is one of the Stepping Stones in A Pilgrimage to Self as members focus on getting out of debt and breaking their dependency habit of spending money and paying credit card interest. It's a step to becoming more self-reliant and self-sufficient. 

 I'd love to hear your ideas for living a self-reliant lifestyle. Do you have any dependency habits? This is a good time to make a commitment to living an Intentional Life by your own design.

Cheers!

Lisa