Playing the Blame Game Is A Mistake

When things go wrong, many people try to figure out what went wrong while others try to place blame. It's best to understand the when things go wrong, it's just a setback. A setback is just that - a set back. There are many different kinds of setbacks, and we've all had a setback to deal with at one time or another. 

A setback keeps you from moving forward, and it often temporarily stops you from achieving your goals. It's an inconvenience. It's a problem, and it very likely ticks you off. As Robert Burns once wrote, "the best laid plans of mice and men go oft awry", meaning our best laid plans and dreams are lost, things don't work out for us and that life isn't promised. It's important to recognize it for what it is, a setback, acknowledge it, and work through it to move on.

Anger is a common reaction to many setbacks. A natural reaction to anger is to look for something or somebody to blame for the situation you find yourself in. This knee jerk reaction to look for the root of a problem has its roots in evolution. If there is an issue that threatens your survival, it makes sense that you figure out the cause of the issue and take action. However, things in modern society are rarely as cut and dried...this means that despite the natural nature of our reaction to a setback, blame is often a mistake - one that can cost you dearly.

It's useful to remember that the roots of blame lie deep within us. Most, if not all of us, do not make a conscious decision to place blame for any problem on others. Instead, in the heat of the moment, when we are most vulnerable, this unconscious tendency to look for a solution to a problem allows us to point fingers without thinking. This is often a learned behavior that has been practiced year after year.

A solution to this problem is not to try and stop the blame game through empty promises. That would be a mistake. It's genetic roots run too deep within us to withstand a promise. Promising yourself to stop blaming is like promising yourself that you won't flinch when something comes close to your face. You simply can't help it. It's a reaction programmed inside of you because of who you are and where you come from.

A better solution is to accept the blame reaction for what it is - a genetic holdover that may or may not have served its course. Once you accept this fact, you can then more easily recognize the things that trigger your instinct to blame. Also, don't forget that you can blame yourself as easily as you blame others, and with just as much groundless and in error.

In some sense, self blame is even more destructive when it comes to achieving your goals, since it produces guilt as a side effect. This guilt can effectively pull you up short. This, in turn, produces more anger, more blame and more guilt. Break the cycle by understanding blame for what it is and moving on.

Many twelve step programs have a key principle of seeking forgiveness by making a list of all the people you have harmed and to become willing to make restitution to them. In this way, the process of forgiveness and rebuilding relationships, including the one with yourself, begins.

There are many examples of people being faulty accused and blamed by others. This blame has the power to infect the relationships and the lives of all involved.

So, what's a better way to live your life?

Developing a Forgiveness Practice is a great way to pivot from the blame game. When we forgive, we do so for ourselves just as much, if not more, than for others.

If you need help in beginning a practice, A House With Four Rooms offers an ecourse: Developing a Forgiveness Practice:

https://www.ahousewithfourrooms.com/offers/jAdLR8ph

Remember to stop the blame game by recognizing the setback, acknowledge it, make amends if necessary, and move on; it's important to get back on track toward your goals and living an Intentional Life.

Cheers!

Lisa