Love & Logic: Decision-Based Parenting

 Parenting With Love And Logic is a revolutionary parenting book written in 1990 that has had twenty-six reprintings since its release. The Love & Logic method of parenting relies on clear boundaries rooted in love and natural and logical consequences for behavior, aka decisions.

 The fundamental focus of Love & Logic stems from the belief that children have the ability to make choices that are age-appropriate - both positive and negative. The role of the parents is to show empathy for these choices and help children come to natural conclusions based on the logical consequences of their decisions.

 An example of this method looks like this: Your middle-schooler is perfectly able to get themselves out of bed, fed, and to the bus stop on time; however, they aren’t making the decision to rise on time and get out of the house without you hand-holding them each step of the way. You are working harder than they are to help them make the right decision and the battle is wearing you down. Love & Logic recommends helping your child set their alarm, sharing the expectations for the next day prior to lights out and leaving the rest of the decisions up to them. The next morning, there will be one of two outcomes: On the bus or missed the bus.

 On the bus: Your middle-schooler hears the alarm, gets out of bed, has breakfast, watches the clock, and meets the bus on time.

 Misses the bus: Your middle-schooler ignores the alarm or is distracted, doesn’t eat, and misses the bus.

 There are two logical consequences for each decision. Your role is to empathize with either outcome. Not to rescue or ridicule. If your middle-schooler makes the bus, you can celebrate their independence and maturity with support and praise. If your middle-schooler misses the bus, you can support the fact that it must feel very bad to be unable to go to school (not the option I would allow), walk to school, or (insert logical consequence here). Being empathic without shame or guilt helps kids learn consequences and make better decisions over time. By the next morning, your middle-schooler should be making a better attempt at being at the bus stop on time. 

 Love & Logic is a parenting style that empowers kids to make decisions and learn through natural consequences. If they study, they get good grades. If they don’t, they fail. The consequence teaches them the value of making sound decisions.

 Try using the Love & Logic method of parenting to raise self-reliant kids who learn to process their decisions and their consequences. You’ll find yourself less stressed and your kids better prepared for independent living.

What would be your consequences if your middle-schooler missed the bus? My client Ashley shared that she learned to get up on time when her mom charged her $5.00 for a ride to school every time she missed the bus. There should be well-thought out and explained  consequences when you discuss the protocols with your child. Help them learn there are consequences to all decisions and how to make the best decisions.

Until next time...

Cheers!

Lisa

P.S. Visit us at www.facebook.com/ahousewithfourrooms