Dealing With Setbacks, Not Failure

Failure. It's an ominous word.

It's a word loaded with negative connotations and concepts. It's a word that people fear. So much so, that many people allow their fear of failure to prevent them from achieving success. 

With the new year, many people are working towards resolutions, goals, or intentions; however, by the second week of February, more than 80% will have thrown in the towel...they will have given up.

As crazy as it sounds, they embrace what they fear most to avoid the embrace of their fear.

We are conditioned, for various reasons, to view failure not only as a bad thing but also as a personal flaw. We are flawed. We are taught a narrative where only winners have worth; we believe we are worthless. The winners are the good guys and because of this innate goodness, they deserve to win. Winning is their reward for doing all the right stuff.

On the other hand, this same story tells us that if you fail, there must be something wrong with you. Failure is a personal judgment. It's the antithesis of winning. If you fail, the story goes, you must have done something to deserve that failure. You must not be good enough to succeed. This is the story I grew up with.

Even though this story that we're all taught is just that, a story, many people adopt it as truth. Their inner voice repeats this story to them each time they step into a new situation. Over time, this repetition gives what is, essentially, propaganda a patina of truth. When you hear a lie enough, from yourself and from those around you, it's easier to believe it's true. You don't question it; you believe it.

However, in the end, failure is just a word. It is powerless unless and until we give it power. In the end, the story we've all been taught about winners and losers is a lie. It only becomes the truth if and when we give it belief. It's time to put a stake through this heart of darkness and end its ability to influence action and direction.

Because, in truth, there is no failure. It is a failure as we've been taught to understand it, and that is the lie. There are no failures in life. There are only setbacks and lessons.

Now the key is to learn how to deal with the setbacks or lessons. What have you learned? What could you do differently?

There is no real failure, and no individual can be a personal failure, no matter what story you are told or belief system you've been attached to...it's not personal. There are only individuals experiencing setbacks; and all of us, at one time or another, have faced a setback.

What's truly important is evaluating what you've learned and being able to pivot so that you can continue to accomplish what you want. Don't throw in the towel...go back to the drawing board and figure out what to try next.

Something else to do: find a mentor. There is so much value in having an accountability partner. If you need inspiration, encouragement, or support, go over to A House With Four Rooms on Facebook (www.facebook.com/ahousewithfourrooms) and post; you should also join the private group. What you shouldn't do...is give up or feel personal insult. It's time you change your story...no more failures...only lessons.

Cheers!

Lisa